How to tell if you're vulnerable to Vault 7

Alright you damn gits, you've probably heard about Wikileaks releasing details about a product called "Vault 7", which is developed by the CIA ("Central Intelligence Agency"). A lot of people are asking the following question: "Am I vulnerable?" Well, on this article, I'm going to show you how you can tell if you're screwed or not!

First, open up Google. You can access this page by clicking on your browser icon, and typing the following phrase in:

http://google.com

Press enter once you have done this. You should pop up into a page that looks a little something like this:

The logo may or may not look different, depending on if an obscure celebrity was born on or a weird discovery happened on the date, but don't worry. That's normal. Next, you're going to want to type the following phrase in:

Google Maps

You'll end up in a page like this, don't fear however, everything is okay:

Click on the first result of the page. You'll end up on a page that looks like this.

Now, you're going to want to type your address in. If you appear on the map, then you are vulnerable to Vault 7.

Now, we need to determine if your computer is vulnerable. 

Look on the back of your laptop (or front of your computer case) to determine a brand. For instance, my laptop brand is Acer. Yeah, I know, fucking Acer. But anyways, we'll be going to the Acer manufacturers website and looking for my laptop model.

My laptop model is a Swift 1, because I'm a fucking cuck. Now, we're going to be looking for a description. Depending on your manufacturers website it may say "Wireless  LAN standard", "Wi-Fi", or something like that. Let me search and.. uh oh.

Looks like I am also vulnerable to this deadly horrible computer virus that will destroy every computer in the world and start the robot rebellion.

Now, lets determine if our operating system is vulnerable.

The first thing we have to is determine our operating system. If you're running Windows, Macintosh, or Linux, you're already done! If your computer is running those operating systems, chances are it has already been taken over and compromised by the Vault 7 virus. In that case, throw out your computer, burn all your family portraits, and flee the country.

This has been your main man Meriban with the latest in security advice. Stay tuned next time as we tell you how to recover your files after a deadly ransomware attack.

tl;dr: Vault 7 is not surprising and nothing is going to happen to you, stop fucking panicking you nimrods.