15 things I hate

Here are 15 things that really piss me off:

1. Hipsters

I hate these pricks. They think they're really cool and constantly need to wear clothes and glasses that make you look like a jackass. Seriously, if you're a hipster, stay the hell away from me.

2. Anti-Religious/Anti-Atheists/Anti-Theists/Anti-Whatthefuckever

I really hate these morons. They are joyless saps who can't get their heads out of their asses. Someone worships Jesus? I don't give a shit. Somebody thinks a God is improbable? Nobody gives a shit. I'm sick of seeing this shit everywhere I go. Stop caring about what other people believe in.

3. People who bitch about their lives on the bus.

Lets face it - we've all had to take the bus at least once to work, whether it be because our cars broke down, or because we're so fucking poor that we can't afford one, or maybe we're just too damn lazy to walk or drive. I rarely do this, yet despite how seldom I use the bus, it seems every time I'm on one I hear about someone bitching and moaning about how AWFULLLL their lives are. And unless you're deaf or jump out of the bus window, you're forced to listen to this crap. News flash: Nobody gives a shit. But they still feel the need to talk!

4. Idiots who think they can actually go faster than a car on a bike.

They think they can ride a bike faster than a car, so they ride it in the middle of a traffic lane. It should be legal to run over assholes like this.

5. Fandoms.

I hate idiots in fandoms. They're everywhere, too. Every website you use is infested with morons debating whether Hon shot first or if Harry Potter is actually the evil guy. Who cares? Shut up.

6. Girl Scouts who knock on your door to sell cookies.

Thankfully this seems to have stopped in recent years, but there is nothing more that pissed me off than a Girl Scout knocking on my door begging that I buy their cookies. The worst part, if you say no, they try to puppy eye you and act all sad and tell you that they get a "badge" if they sell enough (how is that supposed to help you in life, again?).

7. Junk mail

I don't give a shit if I won an all expenses paid tour to Switzerland (is that even a real country?). Stop sending me this crap.

8. PETA

Nobody cares if someone ate KFC or played Super Mario 3D Land, PETA. Get that through your minds. Unless your dad is a pig, shut the hell up.

9. Public Nudity

Unless you're a 10/10 woman less than 35 years of age, don't get naked in public. Nobody wants to see your wrinkly, flaccid dick.

10. Idiots who wear parkas and hoodies when its 45 degrees (or 5 Celsius for you British fucks)

For christs sake, where are you from? The tropical rainforest in Brazil? Unless you're from the middle of the Equator or something, don't bother. You just look like a jackass. 

11. People who spray/write their names on bathroom stalls.

I don't give a shit if Mike was here or if Bill graduated in 1994. It doesn't need an announcement, idiots.

12. Nintendo

Only Nintendo could milk the same shitty games for the past 10+ years and have their fandom gobble it up like the idiots they are. It's been ten years since a new Mario Kart game and people STILL freak out about the new "DLC" which adds REAL LIFE cars or whatever. Big whoop.

13. Country Music

Could country music get anymore grating? The lyrics are always something like the local farm having lost a total of $1 in income or how it's raining outside. We get it! Rain falls from the sky! We don't care! Shut up!

14. People who declare every blinking light in the sky to be the movie Independence Day

My God, people go way too far with "UFO SIGHTINGSSS" BS. We really don't care, and I mean we REALLY don't care if you saw some weird light in the sky and think that it's Independence Day. This really pisses me off!

15. Dead Webpages

I hate it when someone gives me a dead link, or a page that says "Forbidden". Come on. Do people not check their links anymore?

There's a lot more stuff I hate, but this is what really gets me going.

I hate Waluigi.

Here's a character that I struggle to understand why anyone likes. Waluigi. Everywhere you go, this guy is there. Staring into your soul with his big, comically-oversized French mustache, with a nose like he came straight out of a Mr. Potato Head toy from 1984.

 

 

Behold, the face of God.

At first this might sound like a joke. But everywhere I go, I swear to you, this purple-hatted monstrosity manages to pop in somehow. He is EVERYWHERE. I seriously, honest to god do not get it. What in the hell is so appealing about this god character? Can someone explain? He wasn't even created by Nintendo. He's not someone who has been a part of the Mario franchise since the beginning. He isn't likable. All he is is a throwaway character created by Camelot, so they could fill up the Mario Tennis roster.

I understand why Wario exists and was created, and Wario has separated himself enough from Mario that he has his own game series with his own distinct personality and characteristics. Waluigi fans go APESHIT over him not being in Smash. I mean, why shouldn't he be - Wario is in there, right?! Well, that might be because Wario has his own line of mainstream games, has appeared in numerous Mario titles, and is a likable, genuinely funny and cool character. Meanwhile, Waluigi has NEVER appeared in any main-stream Mario game aside from spinoff titles, he has no game series of his own, and he's never even appeared in WarioWare. Even Nintendo is ashamed of this monstrosity, and only keep him around so they have an extra character to fill in the slot!

Even giving him that, I can't name a single time where Waluigi was actually important or useful in any of the spinoff games. All he does is make annoying whiny noises, screams, and cries for no reason. He's a background character with no personality. What's unique about him? He's the "Evil" version of Luigi? What kind of shit is that? 

Some might argue that Wario started out as an "evil Mario" character, but at least he evolved beyond that. Waluigi has stayed the same, blank slate for over 20 years. He's just the goofy-looking supervillain who always gets the short end of the stick. YAWN.

And the Waluigi fans who cry about him not being in Smash. They're the fucking worst. They NEVER shut up about wanting him in Smash. Honestly, Toad is a better candidate for a character in Smash. In fact, I think the goddamn Koopas are a better candidate for Smash than Waluigi. There are no unique movesets he could use. What would his moveset be? Sports stuff? Peach already does that. 

I have never been able to figure out if people seriously want him in Smash, or if its all just a stupid meme that everyone loves to repeat for some reason.  It makes NO sense. He's never had a cult game, he's never even had a game staring HIMSELF, he's never iconic, he's never had a personality, and in fact, I can't even recall a single thing he's ever done in any game aside from screaming, crying, whining, and being a sore loser. What a great character!

Waluigi is not just a bad pick for Smash. He might actually be the worst candidate in Smash history. The fucking Goomba would be a better candidate. The Great Mighty Poo from Conker's Bad Fur Day would be better. Hell, even Emojis - yes, phone Emojis, would be a better pick than Waluigi! I seriously can not think of a worse and unfun character to play as if I tried. 

tl;dr WAAAAAAAAH! NO WAH WEEGEE.

"Big Chungus" has ruined my life.

Day after day, going onto either my friend or some random dudes Twitter/Facebook feed, I often find myself face to face with this smirking fat little rabbit who calls himself "Big Chungus".

Oh, dear, what have we gotten ourselves into?

Seriously, screw this guy. This article might seem like some kind of "funny" joke but I assure you that I'm not kidding around. Big Chungus has ruined my goddamn life. I can't tell you how many times I've ran into this sniveling, rancid fat Bugs Bunny-wannabe and punched holes through countless monitors out of anger. He's taken my kids, my wife, and my job. Big Chungus has ruined my family. Last summer I approached the miserable fat bastard on the streets trying to get an autograph because my son was a huge fan. Turns out he didn't write the autograph, instead he drew a bunch of swastikas and penises. To top it all off, after the autograph, he shoved an exploding cigar in my mouth, lit it and told me to burn in hell. Now I'm divorced, and I'm planning a huge class-action lawsuit against Big Chungus. I've had enough of this fat devil. Your time is almost up, Chungus. You're fucking going down. And I'm gonna make sure that everyone you've ever wronged will get their revenge.

The ComfortLink II XL824 is garbage and so is your face.

Let me tell you, nothing gets me more fired up than this "Internet of Things" crap, or, as I like to call it, "Shitternet of Things". And a prime example of why I can't stand this crap is really laid out nicely with the ComfortLink II XL824 product by Trane.

So, a while back I got a new air conditioner installed in my house, and I got this theromstat named the "ComfortLink II XL824". What kind of a clusterfuck name is that? But that's really only the beginning of this shit.

Behold, man's inhumanity to man.

A thermostat should really only need 4 buttons. One for turning the AC on and off, one for turning the fan on/off, one for turning the temperature up, and another for turning it down, and that's it. But then there's shitty products like this that think they're being "cutting edge" and 'hip" for jamming a crapload of dumb options into a product that really doesn't need any of it.

My first gripe with this thing is that, like every other thermostat made after 2017 because everything needs to rip off Apple, this thing is a touch screen. Why does everything want to be a touch screen these days? I don't need to see a bunch of greasy finger prints when I want to see the temperature. But that's not even BEGINNING to explain how atrociously ass this fuck fest is.

So, as you can see from the screenshot above, there's no buttons on the device. It's all touch screen. So if you manage to break the touch screen somehow, you're really gonna be down shit's creek without a paddle. Another complaint I have is the touch screen is way too unresponsive. Sometimes it takes 3-4 presses to make it do what you want. And each press takes like one second to actually register. 

Anyway, the main UI is alright in terms of appearance. It tries to rip off the Android UI, and it tells you the temperature, both inside and outside for some reason. Is this a thermostat, or a weather machine? Can I get a 5-day forecast on this?

So anyway as we can tell there's no real options on the home screen here. Except for the barely visible "75" on the right side which lets you "control" the temperature. At least that part is somewhat easy, but the rest.. oh boy.

Where is the option to turn on/off the fans/AC/etc? Would you believe it's not in the home screen, but you have to go through a confusing menu and press three separate things to do this simple task that most thermostats can do in one easy press? Wow! But lets talk about this "Menu". When you "touch" it, here's what you get.

W-what? What the hell? What is all this? Is this a thermostat, or a freakin' smart phone? Again, I really have to ask: Why are there so many options for a fucking thermostat?! Schedules? Nexia? Service? What is all this?! Where are the fan controls? I wonder if I can install a Tetris app on this.

Alright, I'm going to explain to you what all this shit actually is:

• Settings - Because a Thermostat needs these for some reason! There's an incredible vast amount of unnecessary settings, such as changing the display or setting up access restrictions, because god forbid someone touches your thermostat. It also lets you activate a "Simple" mode, which will make the XL824 slightly more tolerable. But not by much.
• Schedules - For some reason this thermostat lets you set up schedules which you can use to change when the house cools down or heats up or when to turn the AC off/on, etc. It's an unnecessarily difficult thing to use and honestly it isn't worth it.
• Weather - So this thing comes with a Weather app, for some reason, and you can use this to set up your local weather and get a 5-day forecast (hey, my question was answered!) and even get a very basic radar which doesn't animate. But that requires connecting this thing to a WiFi network (more on this later).
• System Info - Get your thermostat version (you read that correctly).
• Smart Optimization - It "smartly" optimizes your indoor temperature and system performance.
• Nexia - More unnecessary garbage that exists solely to collect data on you. It's a pain in the ass to set up and requires you to register for a "mynexia.com" account and give them all your information. Sweet!
• Humidity - Lets you control your house humidity, if you need too for whatever reason.
• Ventilate - Lets you ventilate your house I think? I don't know, I never opened it.
• Service - Same thing as above, I've never opened this stupid app so I don't know what it actually does.
• Reboot - There is actually an option in the settings to reboot the thermostat. LOL

Oh yeah, lets talk about the WiFi thing. This thing really wants to connect to the internet. And I mean it really wants you to connect. If you don't connect, you will be bombarded 24/7 with a stupid, flashing alert message that says "Get Connected, Press & Hold for Details". It's almost seizure inducing how fast this stupid thing flashes.

The worst thing about this thing is that it has a screen saver! Yes, a fucking screen saver on a thermostat. What's REALLY annoying is that this screen saver hides the entire menu, the only thing that is visible is the temperature. Nothing else. No indoor humidity, no outdoor temperature, no nothing as it is obscured with a black background. To top it off it bounces all around which makes it really difficult to actually look at the thing. 

What is this powered by? Windows 98? Why in the hell is it bouncing around? Why is there even a screen saver? Why is there no way to turn this off?!! Seriously! There is no setting to turn this off. But what's funny is there is an option to turn off the screen, instead of having the bouncing temperature. Why would you want to disable the screen on a thermostat? When I look at one, I want to see the temperature in my house, I don't even need to see that extra garbage like the weather outside of my house or radar or whatever, not tap a fucking thing 4 times to wake it up and see what's going on.

Final verdict is: It's a piece of shit, it sucks and I wish I could chuck it in the garbage and be rid of it forever. "Internet of Things" is a total and utter mistake and anyone who approves of it needs to be fired off into the Sun.

Can we stop pretending Wikipedia isn't a valid source?

When I'm in an argument, I like to present my sources. Sometimes, this is in the form of a Wikipedia link. Usually, I'm given the response of something along the lines of "BUT MERIBAN!! WIKIPEDIA ISN'T RELIABLE, ANYONE CAN EDIT IT!!" Earth to dipshit: Yeah, anyone can edit it, but the thing is that the articles are usually well-sourced, and anything not sourced is either given a "citation needed" or it's just removed entirely. You can check the sources listed in the article by clicking the numbers. It's not hard.

Yet still, everyone seems to have this mentality that Wikipedia isn't "reliable" and that everything on it is 100% bullshit, because you're "allowed" to put anything on Wikipedia. Now sure, entirely relaying on Wikipedia to be 100% accurate is completely stupid, but otherwise the whole "Wikipedia = bad" mentality is likewise also completely idiotic.

If Wikipedia isn't considered a valid source, what *is* considered a valid source then? Surely not some random BuzzFeed or Huffington Post poll, but I commonly see these in arguments. Is there some specific reason that Wikipedia has a stigma for being "unreliable", or is it just because "umg you can edit it that must meen people put bullpoopie on it!!!!"

I'm not saying that Wikipedia is 100% reliable and that it doesn't get vandalized. It does. It's not fully reliable, but there's no reason to dismiss a completely valid article on something simply because "anyone can edit it". When someone dismisses my argument because I used a Wikipedia source, they basically say to me "I'm full of shit and I have no way to refute your argument, so I'm just gonna scream that it's not valid instead!"

Fuck morons who immediately dismiss anything you have to say because "muh invalid source".

Flavor Aid sucks ass.

Ever wanted to know my least favorite drink of all time? I'll tell you now- it's that shitty "Flavor Aid" stuff. Really, it just sucks. Why does it suck?

• 1. It's just some shitty knock off of Kool-Aid, for poorfags like me who can't afford it.
• 2. It tastes like ass hairs, dog sweat, and liquid fecal matter mixed in one.
• 3. The straw on the cover scares the shit out of me. Seriously, he looks like he's about to go on a killing spree.

• 4. Fuck you. No really, that's my argument; fuck you, it's literally just the poor man's version of Kool-Aid, so it's obviously not meant to taste good. Really, have I ever been wrong?

Although it was kind of cool that it was used in some kind of mass murder like 30 years ago. Guess my comment on the straw was correct after all.

Yeah, fuck Flavor Aid.

The Emoji Movie sucks an eggplant emoji.

To the surprise of absolutely fucking nobody, The Emoji Movie has tanked in ratings. Oh, and also to the surprise of nobody, it sucks ass from a straw. 

Some say that they have seen this face during a near death experience. Could this be the face of God himself?

Why would I even bother reviewing this film? Yeah, we all knew it was going to be shit the moment Sony announced it. Yeah, we knew from the trailers it was gonna be horrible. Yeah, we knew this concept could not even be remotely good and was just a quick, terrible cash-in made to scam parents out of their money, because their kids demanded they go see "The Emoji Movie". So why bother? Because it's so fucking horrible that it deserves it!

Now I would go the extra mile and review this using emojis, but I hate them so much that I literally cannot bring myself to use them, even ironically, so this post will contain absolutely no emojis. Wait, except the robot. The robot emoji is cool. 🤖 🤖 🤖

Let me tell you, watching this film in a theater was awkward as hell. I was surrounded by (mostly) little kids. It made me feel like a sexual predator. In addition, I cannot recall anyone laughing at this film at all. Not once. Aside from the movie itself, the entire audience was dead silence the whole way through. Hell, assholes didn't even talk on their cell phones! Either my retarded rants have caught on, or maybe everyone shut off their phones because they didn't want to tell their friends "Yeah, I'm watching The Emoji Movie."

Onto this shit infested film by itself.

The film is mindnumbingly awful. Like, what is there to say? The jokes. Shoving a cactus on your ass would be more soothing than listening to any of the patented "jokes". I put that in quotes because are barely qualify as jokes. In fact, I'm almost certain that the movie writers intended for the jokes in this film to be anti-jokes.

The plot? Have you ever seen a shitty, cheesy "be yourself" movie? Then you've already seen this one. There are absolutely no major surprises and it is predictable from start to finish. 

Wait, why am I even bothering? This movie sucks my dick and that's all you need to know. At least someone found it pleasing, though.

Final rating: 0/10. Don't fucking watch this piece of shit.

In other news, Sony Pictures has announced a new film, planned for 2021, "The Fidget Spinner Movie". (Thankfully this isn't real, but I'm calling it now.)